"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
