U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
