On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
