If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
