tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
