If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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