I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
