id be glad to
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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