I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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