Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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