hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
