you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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