Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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