You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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