my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
