Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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