To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
