Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
