failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
