tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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