I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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