I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
