im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
