Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
