For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
