I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
