FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
