they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
not ubering you a puppy
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
