college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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