so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
