WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
