So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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