nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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