Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
