her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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