I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
