I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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