I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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