He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
