Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I party with great urgency now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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