Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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