i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You can't special order awesome
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
