it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
