I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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