And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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