Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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