there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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