I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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