WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
