Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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