I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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