I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
