You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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