I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
