I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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