did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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