My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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