the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
