Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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