no, he came in my armpit
she smelled like a LAN party
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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